What a week...

This girl strikes a great pose, huh?  I told her to crack a smile for the travelling  band of philosophers on the planet and she did it! She definitely listens better than I do on days! :-D  I met her at a petting zoo.  People in West TX just do not get this close to an animal like this without having to travel hundreds of miles to a zoo~!  This is the first one I've been close to in almost 30 years!   I went to NYC in 1981 and marched in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade and got to go backstage!  I met the Rockettes and all that--and it was fun, but I was intrigued by the animals they used.  Camels were among them.  This girl didn't spit but the ones there did! I didn't get hit either! LOL

I also got to see a joey at this one--and a llama.  I petted most of them, but the Alpaca preferred to stay where he was.  Here's one of a  baby goat hitchin' a ride on the back of a tortoise!

I tried to get it from other angles, but it kept jumping off and then getting back on!  Anyway, tomorrow I shall walk my mountain again.  I need the clarity I get from that.  I need to focus on me again.  It's long overdue!  I am going to go up there and just enjoy some quiet, some animal life, some sage & cedar which is filling the air up there and unwind for the week!  Have a great weekend and take care!  Here's a pic from on high! I'm not even at the top yet, but when I get up there, I can see for miles on a clear day!

The old FB page is dead...

Due to incessant attacking and backbiting--not to mention the threatening messages I got from a certain person who decided that if I wasn't going to play in favor of the playground bully for letting everyone freely express themselves AND  for not omitting 10 people from my list, I killed my old FB page, turned the fool in and started a new one.  That fool repeatedly sends requests which I ignore. Once I had the local authorities take care of the situation, that stopped, but the old page is staying DEAD.  I only let certain people on my new one and changed up all my privacy settings.

Luckily, that individual is also trying to intimidate others.  He's about to be toast thanks to the Zuckerman crew.

Reflections

Listening to "It's Not My Time" by Three Doors Down..

Is time really an enemy or a progression toward something we know nothing about? Opening with a question is a rather unusual phenomenon, isn't it? John Milton wrote in darkness after his 40's. How many of us have seen much with our eyes and have not yet learned to see without them even for a few short moments?

Close your eyes and see how much more pronounced your other senses are without sight the next time you go to the park or through a walk in the woods. When I am on the mountain and I pull that, it's amazing that I can hear the wind in a way I never heard it, smell the plants and flowers with much more focus, hear the buzzing of an insect with more acuity (because I AM seeing AUDIBLY) than when I have my eyes OPEN! If you can tell what type of insect it is with your eyes closed, then you see it with your mind and your sense of hearing is taking that message to your brain! One can usually tell the fly from the wasp, or the horsefly from the mosquito. Even the rain can touch you with more intensity when you focus on keeping your eyes closed if you are one of those people that doesn't get bothered by a little water! I have been known to take walks in it! For my friends who go to the park, you can distinguish the sound of a pigeon from that of a sparrow (or a dove) with your eyes closed! I am willing to bet on it!

To put such faith in your other senses for these few short moments lets you get in touch with that part of yourself that you cannot afford to let die--the kid you were!

I smile when I think of what I almost missed. Life is not always what we see, but as the song says, it's what we believe in too! If you still have your dreams alive, take them and run with them! Don't let others try to take them from you because they want you to be some facsimile of their own selves. Only you can live your life. Only you can answer for whatever you do or don't do.

When this life is over, I believe we change and that this planet will become one with our dust. I can see why my Native American ancestors believe that Earth is the mother. We did come from it and we will go back to it. Walt Whitman even goes into this idea in Leaves of Grass. Much as I hate to burst anyones bubble, it also means that if man was created from dust, then, in a sense we are born from the Earth even though the sphere is not in and of itself divine. If all life came from dust, where did that dust come from--THAT should be the question.

There is no reason why at any age, one cannot break the chains of expectations set down for them from generation to generation. I always stressed the importance of an education to my children--and they finished school, but I didn't shove the idea that they should be rocket scientists down their throats. I don't live my life through them and I also taught them from an early age not to let anyone do that to them. None of my sons will be that "young man sittin' in the old man's bar, waitin' for his turn to die--" either as the Goo Goo Dolls sang in Broadway. They are definitely their own men...

Now I am at a turning point in my life and I believe I can do all of the following:

1. Teach overseas

2. Get my Master's Degree

3. Later get my Doctorate degree

4. And finally, impart what I have learned to others who can benefit from it.

It does not matter if one wants to work in the oilfield, be a housewife, actor, architect or whatever. What matters is that one is happy with the choices they have made and I do embrace mine! The key is, make sure you get what YOU WANT and then appreciate what you HAVE once you have got it.

I am truly grateful to God for what I have. At least he has a sense of humor because if he didn't, he wouldn't have subjected you to putting up with my antics and sense of humor. Look out! I can be total and complete ham, saint, sinner, teacher, fighter, leader, or just a good old fashioned bitch--depending on the situations that arise in my life. I have learned to love playing the role of "God" when I pick up a pen and create more imaginery worlds and characters over which I hold the power of life and death.

I wonder what the South Park writers had in mind by coming up with "Kenny"--who gets killed again and again! Was he the bully that picked on them as a kid or what? LOL!
I firmly believe in having a sense of humor so if you do not have one, I fully expect to be flamed over what I am about to say.

I am truly convinced that you can tell one's psychological make-up by the muppets they preferred to see as a child! Seriously! Wanna know my favorites? Animal, Crazy Harry (yes there was a muppet with that name--and he blew up shit all the time! Really!), Oscar the Grouch, Cookie Monster and last but not least--those two heckling old men in the balcony on the Muppet Show!!!

These muppets can represent any personality you've dealt with, Just like Jeff Dunham's brood can! Of Dunham's, my personal favorite is Walter. He reminds me of some relatives of mine! I also liked the episode where Bubba J "drunk proofed" the home!

In closing, I can hear these and know what is going on even if I were to lose my sight! Have a great weekend and I hope this gave you a laugh AND something to think about for a few kicks!

What the Mountain Revealed...

Most people who know me know I love it when the weather is nice enough to do my 2.5 mile walk on what we call "The Mountain". It is actually called "Scenic Mountain" and it is located in a place called Big Spring, TX. I have been walking it a lot as of late and doing a lot of soul-searching (I guess you'd call it that), but it really turned out to be an eye opening experience for me. I have been reading a lot of books by Dr. Wayne Dyer as of late and have been experiencing an awakening of sorts. I am really taking a hard look at my life, and for the first time I have taken charge of it.

There is a quote on page 19 of his book, "Wisdom of the Ages: 60 Days to Englightenment" which reads as follows: "When you are in that centered state of purpose, you activate forces in the universe that previously were out of your range. What you need will show up. The right person will be there on time. The phone call will come. The missing pieces will be brought to you..." and then he goes on later to say (quoting a Zen proverb), "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear."

In that silence, the wind began to blow gently, comforting me with it's embrace as a few birds were about. There is no better music to me than that in my moments of reflection. It was when I was 1/4 the way into my journey that my two teachers appeared to me. They were two stray dog people.

Now I know what you are thinking, "Dog people? She's gone nuts!" so please remember that I am part Comanche Indian and there is a belief of respecting animals and trees in such a manner since nature is to be revered. From what I understand other cultures in other countries view nature with respect, just as I do. I truly believe animals have feelings and souls. They feel fear like the rest of us, but I have not converted to vegetarianism. I am sorry to disappoint you but even my ancestors ate meat--and I am referring to my ancestors on both sides of the pond. I am part Comanche, Irish, German and Pennsylvania Dutch. If you don't know what that means, look up the term, but, in short, I am a pure Heinz 57 American. I tan more than I burn, have dark hair but my eyes are hazel/green...They look more green though.

Anyway, my two teachers, as stated earlier were two stray dog people. They were abandoned, although one had a collar and they looked hungry and frightened. I would have petted them, but since I had no food to offer, they ducked their tails between their legs and ran. Poor things. They were black and white, but one looked like a border collie and I couldn't tell for the life of me what the other one was.

How sad they must have felt being that it gets cold and dark at night. They were obviously hungry but kept running away. One would inch closer but when it saw no food it ran with the other one. I can empathize with that feeling--that lonliness even though they were together in their bewilderment.

I know that empty feeling--that fear of being alone. I used to turn to men for my source of validation. I have been single for 16 years-with the exception of 1 brief relationship which I was wise enough to end--again after being hurt, but not nearly as badly. I do not regret it.

The first time I felt totally abandoned was when my first ex left me for another woman when my oldest son was only 3 months old. As a result, I fell into a deep depression, and ended up in an emotionally, and psychologically traumatic marriage two and a half years later. Even after that amount of time, I was rebounding. I would later realize that I had made critical mistakes in my relationships.

Both men married me to suit their own ends--but the second husband dealt the worst blow of all. I woke up and heard him tell my best friend after nine years and two kids that he never loved me to begin with. After being silent to his emotional blackmail and tantrums that sometimes ended up with me being shoved around, or his putting holes in the walls (among other things he'd pull) that was the straw that broke the camel's back. I went home and filed for a divorce--AGAIN.


I stand firm in my convictions. Do I believe in God? Yes. It isn't my job however to judge anyone. Besides, if he wants to do the hard work, he can have it. I feel it is my job to serve and to be kind to others. IT is not my job to try to convert people--to me that is a religious teaching and NOT true Christianity. It is one thing to teach right and wrong--but another to try to get others to believe as you do, and to me that is no different than making a sales pitch. I refuse to do that. Having the mind of serving others doesn't mean I have to be a doormat. I have grown much stronger since that very last brief relationship not too long ago. He calls once in a while wanting to get with me for a "date". It won't happen. I forgave him, but I'm not stupid enough to fall for another lie.

Now how does this relate? Here it is:

Today was an unusually beautiful day--November 20, 2010. In five days I will embark on another year's journey in this life. I feel that I can do much more now at (soon to be 48) than I could at 18! I am in good shape--beating my oldest son (who was born ON my 20th birthday--Thanksgiving day 28 years ago!) on a fitness test, but taking the time to read and learn things I never had time to enjoy before!

In the past two years, I discovered the work of an actor I truly didn't recognize--mainly because I avoided theaters and immersed myself in school and my writing/music. In short, I was a pain in the ass rebel/punk in my own way and thought Hollywood was part of the "establishment" I sought to not be a part of. Now don't laugh or think I was stupid! There was an excuse--I was, for the most part, a recluse. I didn't really enjoy going to movies and such anyway and didn't do it hardly at all in my youth. The actors and actresses of my generation, to me, only got there because of their aesthetic appeal (meaning their looks) and the advent of MTV. To me many of the true actors were the ones I watched with my parents. I stayed outside with a notebook in my hand, creating worlds in which I was a god--having power over life and death of my characters and writing material that (more than once) landed me in the counselor's office--especially after the death of John Lennon. It seems like everyone thought I was hell bent on killing myself. I wasn't. I just wrote lyrics and such that raised eyebrows and caused concern--and now at 48 I can see why! I re-read stuff that somehow (probably via my first ex) ended up on the internet. Oh well. Let him keep it.



Anyway, this actor demonstrated what acting is and how it should be done. Either way, it got me interested in movies again that year. I don't have to be in theater arts to know what good acting is either given the trash Hollywood tends to put out. I don't like chick flicks, teen flicks, Twighlight, Harry Potter or any of that. I could stand Lord of the Rings because it was true to the books. To me the movies that Hollywood tends to make, trash or not, are movies they intend for teens and tweens--but I did get a huge kick out of Ian McKellan!

Anyway, back to my point. The mind never stops learning and growing, if one is receptive to what the good spirits of others try to convey to it, then he or she can draw on that positive energy and gain a new sense of freedom no matter where they are in life. One also needs to be willing to allow his/her own mind and spirit to reveal to him/her in those silent moments of thought and reflection what it is that he/she needs to pick up on. It is like Dr. Dwyer said, we will have teachers come into our path. These two dogs brought a point to mind. The writings left behind by many of the great masters can teach us a lot also!

How many times do we as humans always look to others to validate ourselves and seek affirmations from them? Think about it! Do we not know our own worth? I think as living feeling beings, the answer is usually going to be 'no'. When the answer is no we can be led into a dangerous trap for ourselves. Once we experience the separation/divorce or whatever, it seems that we become content to enter into similar relationships because we continue looking for our own validation. Mankind as a whole will move in with a partner or shackel themselves by the finger hoping that by chance this will be the "happily ever after". By seeking validation in a partner, it seems that we are deconstructing ourselves and compromising our worth in order to please the partner out of a fear of being alone or a fear of rejection.

If a person cannot accept us in spite of ourselves, but will try to control us once we are bound in such a situtation, then that is not love. When it is love, one doesn't seek to control or isolate a partner from the world outside of themselves because there is true trust there. That person will not try to keep that partner by laying a guilt trip on him/her and crying incessantly either. A person who is not like minded will try to isolate the other out of their own fear and insecurity, I think.

Until we as people stop seeking our own validation in the people we are sleeping with, getting married to, living with, etc...then we are doomed to repeat the same cycle again and again--if not worsen it by entering into arrangements and marriages for convenience which is and of itself living a lie. Tying oneself to another out of a sense of "obligation" is not good judgement and can have horrid consequences later. If entered into out of a fear of being alone, that is just as much a lie. If someone does that, they build a prison not only for themselves, but for the person they are NOT in love with--like the one with whom I was married to the second time. Had he not proposed, and left (which he should have done) I might have found a person who could LOVE ME BACK a long time ago. Get it?

When we get hurt again, and someone reaches out to help or to befriend us, we don't let them get close. IN my case, I won't date someone if I can talk to them for five to ten minutes and I feel that it will not work. Why? Because I can tell if that person can keep my interest, and I end up calling it a day. When a person can keep my interest beyond that first meeting--we MIGHT meet for lunch. Money is not an impressive factor to me at all. I've dated men with money and the average joe. I walked out of a nice restaurant and left a guy there, taking a cab back home because he decided to be a jerk to the waitress to try to get a "freebie"...I can spot a jerk a mile off. He played a cool game and got me to have dinner with him. Then I saw the spots on the leopard. I used to be a waitress. Guys, the waitress has no control over food quality--you won't make brownie points with me by yelling at a teen aged waitress. To me, when it's a kid and you do it, it's child abuse, and I will leave you there high and dry.

Anyway, I went up to the cashier--and my date was so busy complaining that he didn't notice. I told the manager the food was fine. We had ordered the same thing. It was NOT cold and steam came off of the guy's plate. I left her a $10 tip and asked him to call a taxi. This guy called the next day and tried to yell at me for leaving and being rude. I hung up. He called back yelling, "Bitch! You hung up on me!" I said, "Lemme guess...Did it sound like this?" and hung up on him again. I never saw him after that, but I have since reached the conclusion that men like him who call me a bitch are only paying me a compliment.

If Dr. Dwyer ever reads this, yes I have a long way to go, but at least I've started to learn! And I do admit my world view might be a bit screwy right now, but at least I've gained new perspective by starting to apply what I am learning from you and learning to want and appreciate what I have got, instead of obsessing with not having what I would LIKE to have.

Now eventually, the right person will come along and those two dog people will get some help, even if they don't get picked up and/or taken in. The right person will come along with some food, and eventually win their trust bit by bit. I'll try again tomorrow. Don't give up guys--there may be hope for this "female dog" yet! I am a realist, I live in the here and the now. I don't want to be impressed with a show. If you don't like shaving every day, I'm not turned off by a little five o'clock shadow. I understand some things--especially since I raised three sons and NONE of them like to shave. I respect the person who does not try to hide his own self-perceived "imperfections". That goes for anyone. If you want to be a friend to me, be yourself. That is all I ask. My friends know I accept them as they are.

I am glad that for right now, I've attracted harmony into my life and some peace. I don't need to be in a relationship with anyone to have that. If it ever happens, fine. If not, I'm still fine...It is amazing what I can come up with after an hour or two on my mountain...May you have a Happy Thanksgiving and be surrounded by love!

More on bullying...

If you read my previous blog on bullying, then what I am about to say may be of some surprise to you. Yes, I do feel that forgiving others enables us to move forward, but what about those that are broken and can take no more? I have my own ideas on this.

We have different types of bullying--but in all cases I feel that there is ONE common thread. Bullies go after anyone they perceive to be different and/or lesser than themselves. I think they feel empowered at someone else's expense because either they themselves have been bullied and now this is an outlet, or they simply feel that they are above anyone else. I also feel that all bullying can stem from resentment or hate.

Bullies are EVERYWHERE. They are in school and in the workplace. If you don't believe me, look at all the lawsuits. Bullies all use different tactics. Some use physical violence (especially in schools) and others use either cyber bullying and/or they use a position of authority they have in the workplace to exert their will over those they perceive to be beneath their station. I also feel that bullies look at their victims as a step below the species of mankind on the evolutionary chain.

The abused tend to become abusers--but not always. Now substitute the words "The bullied" and "bullies" in that sentence. Bullying is a learned behavior--not an instinct or a mental disease. If you want to stop this in our society, then it has to be stopped at the schoolhouse first! To stop it in the schoolhouse, there are many ways--mediation, sensitivity training, etc...I think the best way is for school districts to hit the parents where it counts--their wallets. I'll also bet, if a study were done, those conducting it would find out that the children who are bullies also had parents who were bullies when they were in school. Parents who were like that tend to dimiss their own children's actions as "kids being kids". This is simply false nowdays. As I've said previously, "kids being kids" will get people harmed physically and psychologically nowdays--if not killed.


If districts could impose heavy fines (like $25 per offense) on parents whose children are out of control, the money could be used to do many things--fund classroom supplies so teachers won't have to pay for it--etc...Face it--parents often don't buy the kids what they need, so use the fines for "bullying" to provide things like pencils, paper, crayons, map colors, etc...Also parents love their pocketbooks enough that they will eventually control their children when they get tired of paying fines for their ridiculous behavior.

Kids who are bullies and get caught should also be suspended from extracurricular activities and sports for at least three weeks after each incident. For severe cases of physical bullying, charge the kids with assault because that is exactly what they are doing on school grounds! Some districts and state laws already allow for this, others do not.

Victims of severe and/or repeat bullying incidents should also be made to see a crisis counselor immediately after the incident is made known to school officials to ensure there are no suicidal thoughts or thoughts of harming others developing. Also, in less severe cases, transfer the bullies--NOT the victims. In fact, find out if the bullies are running in a clique and split them all up into different schools. When the cliques see that their buddies can't go to school with them anymore, then they will back off of everyone else nowdays. If there is one thing a group hates it is having their social lives monkeyed with for someone's actions.

It just seems to me that unless the case is extreme, transferring the victim should be a last resort--up to the parents. Why should the bullied child be punished? It would be more of a punishment to the bullies to separate their groups into different schools. It would also send a strong message to other students that there would be no tolerance for THEIR behavior. To me, transferring the victim is almost like punishing the victim. However, in the case of severe assault, or sexual assault of any kind, then I say move the victim to a new district to lessen psychological trauma and lock up the assailants in a juvenile facility.

Being bullied does not justify the victims taking the situation into their own hands and they need to be taught this. That is why it is important to get the victims to a counselor. When a person cannot take any more, they can become irrational and they can do things the normal person would not normally do--like harm others and/or themselves. I believe that we have to be proactive and not reactive when it comes to this subject. There are lives at stake and the last thing I want to hear about is another school shooting or bombing by some kid(or kids) who were victims of bullies who were themselves out of control.

The handling of bullying cases should be treated with no difference as to the reason behind the bullying. A bully is a bully and whether the victim is gay, straight, pretty, not pretty, athletic or not is not important here. All are created equal and should be treated no differently--whatever the reasoning behind it. This is true for the victim and the victimizer. All bullying is equally horrifying and I do not want to see it continue. I worked for 4.5 years as a corrections officer and spent over a year of it as a sergeant. Anyone can draw a parallel between the bullies who beat up kids for stepping into "their corner" of the playground and the offenders who will beat up other offenders for sitting at "their" tables or simply playing handball on "their part" of a recreation yard.

I also am a certified teacher. The same behavior exhibited by bullies in the schoolyards is also exhibited in the prison systems. IF you don't believe me, then do a study. I'll bet my last $10 that if a study is done comparing this behavior in the school with the behavior of the offenders who do this in the prisons, they will find so many similarities that it will shock them--ecpecially when they find out how many of the schoolyard bullies are in families where one or more of it's members are behind bars for violent crimes.

Our public schools should be a safe haven in America for these children, but to me it seems that they are growing in similarity to correctional facilities. At some schools, there are armed guards, fences, gates, etc...Is it any wonder that such a comparison can be made? What has happened in our culture that has made this so? I won't go deeply into this subject here, but part of the problem lies in the devaluation of Education in America. We now have a culture that doesn't view education as being necessary and important. Until power is given back to parents and educators to stop the mess going on--including the bullying--schools will continue to evolve into something remeniscent of correctional institutions. After all, it is teachers who try to instill social values into these children and they when grow up and get to the prison system--it's up to the officers to do that. Am I right or wrong? I really want somebody to prove me wrong on this. I challenge anyone to do a study on it.

America really needs to start thinking and re-thinking. The clock is ticking and our childrens' futures are at stake because of what society has done to them. The school system has to be changed. I think we should seriously take a look at overseas educational systems and find out what makes theirs different. What makes them work? Something is working well for them because you don't see nearly the problems there that you see in our country right now--especially school shootings and such. What are they doing right and what are we missing as a nation?

My new sense of direction!

The weather has been cool as of late. As usual, I take my walks on the mountain, sometimes I'll take another one in the evening around the track, and this is the time I take to clear my brain of all the mental chatter going on. My mind is constantly working. In fact, what blows peoples' minds is that I can type out a thought faster than I can voice it--unless I get VERY upset. Then I need the "special clapper"...You know--that running joke where someone says, "Help! I'm talking and I can't shut up!"? Oh well. That's life...

Yesterday I worked as a substitute teacher again. The good news--my certification is ACTIVE and such! I can now get a J-O-B! But subbing does pay well. Working with the kids enabled me to remember what it was like to see them light up when they achieved something! A special needs student was so excited that she made a lap around the track that she had to hug me and tell me about it! God! I hope I get to go to the Special Olympics the next year!

With that in mind, I am going to take the certification exam for all level special Education. That is where my passion lies. I can work with the TAKS requirements and STILL teach the curriculum. After that I plan to pursue a Master's Degree. I have not yet decided which field to focus on, though. I can do English, Curriculum and Development, Administration, etc...I am simply not sure yet. My goals are changing and I now have a new sense of direction.

I also am coming out of what I call "Sergeant Mode". I like it. I can be myself for a change--meaning I can dress nicely and wear make-up again! AND I might let my hair grow out longer...Have a great week! I know that I am!

Dealing with the Past *about being bullied*

I often get asked how I deal with my past issues. I don't often discuss these things with others, but people in my hometown know me well. They could not understand for the life of them how I managed to keep my marbles in tact...Seriously! I had a crazy childhood! I know many that had a hell of a lot worse, but mine was unique in that I lived in Bedlam, TX! Anyway, that's what I called my house.

I won't go into details. Those are unimportant since that is the past. The only thing the past can do is throw up pictures into your memory. Those things cannot hurt you. I had to let go of mine. I can tell you all personally that the hardest thing to do is the very first step I had to take, and that was to forgive people one by one.

You see, there was a big difference in being bullied then, as opposed to being bullied nowdays...When I was a kid, I got even. If they bullied me to do their term papers--I did them alright! I made sure they got nothing but "F's" too. I took a few beatings for it, but it was worth it. They didn't have me to another one because I told them I would do exactly the same thing. I was dismissed as being "crazy" by that bunch. I fought with brains more than anything else.

There was a boy in particular who was on the track team who used to make crude sexual remarks to several of us--one at a time of course. Sometimes he would push us down. Other times if we were wearing a skirt, he tried to lift it or pull it down in the hallway. We started talking one day. NONE of us knew the others were bullied by this idiot. Our solution: We decided to make sure he got a dose of what he dished out--together!

The coach wasn't watching one day and we dragged him down into the theatrical prop room. In our school, costumes, make-up and every thing was kept in that location. Four of us held him down while the other three stripped him down to his boxers, put a dress and petticoat on him and colored his lips with red lip stick--the kind that is hard to wash off. I don't know HOW the hell we got away with this, but we took his clothes and scattered them all over the front lawn of the school! He had to go out there all dressed up in his frock to get them too!

He never revealed who did it, and he never bothered any of us again either. We know his fellow team mates on the track team laughed at him for DAYS! NOWDAYS a bully is liable to get killed or injured severely. I don't think anyone would dispute that even in our day we would wonder what life would be like if those bullies "died or disappeared". The difference is, we knew it was wrong to actually kill someone and feared the consequences back then.

Now I fear that young people have no such fear and some have no conscience either judging by what is filling up our juvenile justice centers. I am not joking when I say I feel that most of our generation merely fantasized about killing the bullies or making them disappear...When did it become okay in our culture to allow these kids to cross that line between right and wrong? Even if one is a bully, kids should be taught at an early age that MURDER is wrong. Period! I get really tired of some type of "disorder" getting credit for everything wrong imaginable in society anymore.

Now were the actions the group I was with took "wrong"? Yes, they were. Were they abusive? Yes because of the humiliation he felt. Granted, at the time, we felt vindicated for how he made us feel, but we still felt an emptiness there...I think that emptiness came from the fact that getting "even" changes nothing about what has already happened. On top of that, we proved we were no better than he was--but my cousins would have literally beat him to a pulp if we'd told them about it and we would have felt even worse. Does that make it okay? No it does not. And people will say, "Awww you guys were just kids being kids." Really? OH REALLY? Hmmm...Nowdays "Kids being kids" can lead to abuse, murders and suicides. If you don't believe me watch the news and the talk shows that deal with the subject of bullying! It is out of control, people!


Having the ideals of right and wrong on THIS subject instilled in me in the seventh grade made it easier to forgive others. If one cannot forgive others, they cannot move forward because anything from the past for which we harbor a grudge will poison our present every time--we just don't realize it until later. As I said earlier, forgiveness is that hardest first step that we have to take, but it can be done. Sometimes it takes a lot of time to let things go--especially if we are the ones who were abused, taken advantage of or whatever the case might be.

It can be done though--one day at a time--one issue at a time.